I love telemarketers… No, I mean it I ABSOLUTELY love them. Sometimes they are the only entertainment I get on long, slow days.
Here is an example of why:
ME – (Picking up phone and speaking in a nice businesslike voice) Comics, Cards, and Collectable.
THEM – May I please speak to Tom.
ME _ That depends, are you a cop?
THEM – No, I’m not a Police Officer.
ME – I see…what’s your name?
THEM – My name is William, now may I please speak to Tom?
ME – I’m sorry but that is just not possible. You see I have no idea where he is but I’d sure like to know.
THEM – Why is that?
ME – Because he embezzled a great deal of money from this business, that’s why.
THEM – Oh, I see.
ME – Yeah, and all I can think is if you are so hot to find him maybe you are an accomplice.
THEM – What? No I’m not.
ME – Yeah, So you say! I’m going to need a phone number at which you can be reached.
THEM – WHAT??? NO!!! I don’t even know who this guy is!!!
ME – I find that a little hard to believe. It seems a little too coincidental that he disappears with the money and then a couple days later you call looking for him. What happened didn’t he show up at your rendezvous location to split the money?
THEM – I don’t even know the guy. The computer just connects us to numbers and gives us a name .
ME – Well that is a nice story but let’s see how well it holds up when the FBI is giving you a body cavity search looking for clues.
THEM – FBI??? Why would the FBI want to talk to me?
ME – Because you are what they refer to as “A Person Of Interest!”
THEM – I have no idea what the heck you are talking about…This is insane!!!! Goodbye!!!
ME – Hanging up now isn’t going to help as I’m getting the signal that I’ve kept you on here long enough for them to get a trace…you might want to gather your things as agents should be breaking into your location in a matter of seconds …hello ….hello????
This might be the reason that the Telemarketers Association has petitioned to have me put on the National DO NOT CALL list!!!