I’ve often heard people being interviewed and the interviewer would ask strange questions like “If you were a tree what type of tree would you be?” Though the questions seem odd the answers oft times would give insight. So, though no one has asked me, here are my answers to some questions of that type. Those with with weak stomachs or who are scared easily may want to refrain from reading any further as this peak into what passes for my mind may be a bit unnerving.
If I were a piece of clothing I’d be a sweater…because I sweat a lot!
If I were a State I’d be Colorado…Rather square but occasionally cool.
If I were a place I’d be The Middle-East…Constantly in conflict.
If I were a farm animal I’d be a goose…stop by and find out why ladies!
If I were a rodent I’d be a titmouse…do I really need to explain?
If I were an insect I’d be a dung beetle..because I’m always in the middle of a pile of crap.
If I were a sculpture I’d be THE THINKER…OK my real choice is DAVID but I am ill-equipped for the role.
If I were a magazine I’d be LOOK..always watching seldom participating.
If I were a Shakespearean play I’d be either “MID SUMMER NIGHT’S DREAM” or “MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING!”
If I were one of Snow White’s dwarves I’d be Dopey or maybe Sleepy.
If I were a breed of dog I’d be a setter.
If I were a comic book villain I’d be THE RIDDLER.
If I were a comic book hero I’d be HERBIE THE FAT FURY…a real 1960s character, honest!
If I were an illness I’d be sleeping sickness…I just need the rest.
If I were a book I’d be “PARADISE LOST”.
If I were a fast food sandwich I’d be THE WHALER…I wish I could say the WHOPPER but again…just under equipped.
If I were a nation I’d be IMAGINE-nation…OK that is a steal from Miracle on 34th Street.
If I were a dance I’d be the Jerk.
If I were a household appliance I’d be broken.
If I were a vehicle I’d be a unicycle.
If I were a piece of furniture I’d be an overstuffed chair.
If I could be anyone in the history of the earth I’d still want to be me…I just hate change!