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This is why I don’t eat Healthy stuff!!!

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It is no secret I need to lose some weight!  I’m about 50 pounds heavier than I’d like to be and about 70 pounds heavier than I should be (according to medical charts at my current weight I should be 8′ 3″).  I haven’t quite reached the point that small insects are getting caught in my gravitational pull and die of hunger whilst orbiting the orb that is my body but I am getting close ( I often see them flying past in a nice straight line and suddenly curve toward me and then quickly veer away with a very puzzled look on their little faces (you have to look quickly to see insect expressions but trust me they are there…next time you are driving check your windshield and you will notice they all have very surprised looks…but I digress)).  So to this end I decided to try eating a bit healthier.  I bought a large container of fresh fruit salad from a local grocery store.  It looked wonderful with large chunks of various melons, whole strawberries, large chunks of fresh cut pineapple, and other things which I could not identify but seemed to be slices of some sort of fruit flesh.  It was a fairly large container so I planned on eating it in two or three servings.  I transferred about a third of it into a bowl and put the rest in the refrigerator to await later consumption.  I ate the serving and was ever so proud of myself for being such a good and health minded person.  Flash ahead to the next day when I return home from another day of toiling in the fields (OK so I work in a book store but Toiling in the fields just sounds so much manly).  When I go to prepare my evening repast, which will include another serving of the fruit salad.  I open the fridge and take out the container.  Instead of the fresh fruit salad I expect to find, in its place is nasty rainbow sludge.  The various melons seem to have declared war on the strawberries and reduced them to a pinkish seeded gel.  Meanwhile the pineapple has absorbed the colors and tastes of all the neighboring fruits. And finally the melons themselves have degenerated into a semi-solid discolored mess that has melted all over anything near to them.  Only a complete moron could look at this mess and think it was a good and healthy thing to eat.  Having said that let me explain why I ate this any way.  OK I can’t truly explain it I just did and it was just as nasty tasting, as it was nasty to look at.  On the plus side after the vomiting and diarrhea ceased I had lost about 5 pounds!

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